We’re in March.
This was supposed to my “No-cheat” month, and it’s turning out to be my “Most-cheat” month so far. I had a couple of drinks over the weekend, and while I believe that one drink isn’t bad, overdoing anything certainly is… Maybe I should start from the beginning. Here’s the story I should’ve told you in January:
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Welcome to Diet Diary here on the Super Awesome Bear, my blog about losing weight and the trials and tribulations overweight, plump, chubby, round, chunky, fat people face on an ongoing basis. I thought 2010 would be the ideal year for getting in shape. It’s nice and round number, much like me.
The truth is, at the end of 2009 I was disgusted with myself. I used to be a rugby player, a ballroom dancer, a club hopper and an amateur at any sport that may be fun on that particular Saturday (though I still suck at Tennis). Alas, the only thing bouncing around at the end of 2009 was my enormous Santa Clause belly, and I can’t pull off red pants. You know you’ve gone horribly wrong when members of the Asian community happily refer to you as “Happy Buddha”. I blame my back problems and World of Warcraft for the weight gain. Deadly combo. DEADLY!
In 2004, I discovered my back problems. A sciatic nerve pinched between theL2 and L3 discs of my spinal cord. Plus the cartilage separating the discs had been completely destroyed and the L discs (specifically 2 and 3) were grinding each other down. You should see the X-rays and MRI pictures, the poor discs should be squares, but the edges have been completely grinded down, and now I enjoy 2 semi-circular spinal cord discs, with another one slowly joining the party.
Apparently it’s the latest fashion and all the rage among orthopedic surgeons. But what does it mean? It means that lifting anything heavier than a cup of tea resulted in me being in incredible pain the next day and typically for a few days after that. Any additional pressure on my back meant additional pressure on the pinched sciatic nerve, which is NOT supposed to be pinched, and doesn’t even have the added luxury of being pinched in cartilage. What do you think it feels like when two bones smash and grind a nerve? Well, forget using your legs for AT LEAST a few days. That fucking nerve cost me a New Years party, a snog behind a dune, but more embarrassingly, you can forget about going to the bathroom, unless you want to take the chance of getting of the john all by yourself. Overshare?
Here’s the kicker, way before I got this awesome job as a PR consultant, I worked at a butchery. 2004 was the year of the slaghuis! (Slaghuis is Afrikaans. Literally translated it means “Slaughterhouse”. I like to think that I put the laughter in that Slaughterhouse) Remind me to tell you about the butchery at a later stage, some interesting times, for now, all you have to know is that I was fired from the butchery for sticking my finger in the biltong slicer. Thankfully, they fired her too… Working at the butchery meant carrying an entire lamb (sometimes two at a time) and plenty of hindquarters, forequarters .
It was MAN’s work, where we ate manly things, did manly things, used big knives, spoke ill about yuppies, drove pick-up trucks and wore bloodstained clothes, with meat under our finger nails (pretty picture, right?). We didn’t complain about girly things, like not having the ability to walk.
I had to quit ballroom dancing after two years of having face-melting amounts of fun, but not being able to walk the next day after an hour session the previous night. My next hobby would be the final nail in the coffin – online gaming. I started playing Battlefield 2 in the second half of 2005. My first online game! I really enjoyed it, but like they blame marijuana for being a gateway drug that leads to stronger, more dangerous drugs (which, for the record, is bullshit), BF2 was a gateway game that lead to a stronger and a more dangerous game – World of Warcraft.
I started cancelling plans with friends, neglected sleep and other things so I could level my character and raid. The lethal combination of ongoing back issues, coupled with the destroyer of lives a.k.a WoW meant that I steadily gained 46kgs from 2004 through 2009. That’s an increase of 20lbs per year.
Now you have the abridged background, this is my promise for 2010; To be less disgusting. I will lose the weight that I gained in the past 5 years. I will diet and work it off. I have stopped playing WoW, started re-cultivating relationships with some of the most amazing people in the world, my friends, and now I am looking for another hobby, one I could enjoy with other people and one that my back would appreciate. I’m done with the single life, I’m done with re-telling the stories of the glory days when I could be out making new memories, I’m done with being judged by people that subsequently don’t want to get to know TeH_AweSum because of his enormous love-handles, and I am done with being the lazy doos that I turned into in these past five years. I am not doing anyone any favours by keeping so much of rad to myself when it can belong to the world.
I don’t blame you if you think this is just idle talk from a repeat dietary offender. But what you can take to heart is that I already lost 14kgs since January. Besides, you’re guaranteed an awesome story every time you join us here at the Super Awesome Bear.
Join me, engage with me and share with me – you’re not alone and I KNOW it’s never easy. But together we can do it, suffer through it and accomplish it!